The Terror of Squat Toilets

For those of us of a western upbringing, travel has a number of impracticalities. There's the vaccinations, the hellish seasickness (for us lucky few), the exotic food with a side of micro-organisms, the jet lag and communication problems with friendly border officials in darkened rooms ("Are you a Jew?", said the Egyptian security guard. "Urm, er, um, n,nnn,nn, no". "Oh, OK then"). But for me, the most inconvenient of inconveniences which may inconvenience a traveller is the lack of convenient conveniences.

A typical Chinese Squat toilet. You don't want to lose your balance in there!

I'm talking of course about toilets found in the orient which  are more often than not of the squat pot variety. Now I know a lot of you out there are rolling your eyes,

"It's not that bad", ect, ect. I'll have you know it is that bloody bad! You have to negotiate balance, a freezing arse, not wanting to touch anything, and making sure you don't poo on your own trousers. Avoiding squat toilets became a way of life for me whilst living in China, and for 10 months I was successful.

Fibreless food. For those of us who need to avoid passing stool.

I was tactical, mapping my western toilet options around Zhengzhou. Restricting my intake of fibre to constipate myself while travelling cross country and even buying a portable sit down toilet seat.

A few times my super anti squat skills almost failed, and I had to improvise....

A Broken Chair padded with a bed sheet. My Invention to cope with the squat toilets of Lanzhou.

But after 10 months, the squat pot caught up with me, and you know what. It's not that bad.